Family Matters

This is the first in a series of blog posts that I will write relating to family life, the roles served by parents and children and the benefits gained from shared experiences.

Personally, I’ve found that my role as “Mummy” has been the most fulfilling, challenging, humbling, intimidating and educating experience in my entire life.

Being Vulnerable as a Parent

I know I serve as a role model for my three kids; Evan age 20, Sarah age 18 and Deanna age 15. I’m aware of the significant impact I have on their present and future lives. It’s the most important responsibility I will ever assume. Knowing that sometimes causes me to shiver with fear because I often question my capabilities and feel very vulnerable.

In the past, vulnerability was a feeling that I did my best to avoid. But I’ve discovered, over my 20 years of parenting, that vulnerability is the key to creating a deep connection within the family and establishing a strong sense of love and belonging in the individual hearts of its members.

Parenting Perfection

My initiation into motherhood included devouring books on parenting and child development, listening to interviews with parenting experts and enduring the bombardment of unsolicited but well-intended advice from family and friends.

In addition, I heard countless debates regarding the ideal way to parent and read articles about parachute parenting, tiger moms, etc., all filled with judgment and encouragement to achieve the unachievable, parent perfectly and raise perfect kids.

This pressure fueled my perfectionist tendencies and sent me on Mission Impossible! I quickly found myself mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that–just a there’s no such thing as a perfect person–there’s no such thing as a perfect parent.

Embracing Vulnerability

When I began to delve into the concept of vulnerability and its value in establishing deep meaningful connections with other people, I realized that the best role model for my kids is not a perfect mom. Rather, it’s a mom who embraces her vulnerability; who shows up and reveals her true self, who is willing to face uncertainty, to take necessary risks and to feel and reveal her emotions. This is the way of life I want to model for my kids. This is how I want them to be as we experience life together as a family and as they move forward in their lives.

This is our greatest challenge as parents, but it’s also our greatest opportunity to be the adults that we want our children to grow up to be. Together, my kids and I are learning how to courageously show up as our true imperfect selves, demonstrate compassion for others, and truly connect with one another.

It is my desire that my kids learn to engage with the world from a place of worthiness; that they feel a deep sense of love and belonging; that they value hard work, perseverance and resilience; that they have the courage to be imperfect, creative and innovative; that they learn to get curious about all the emotions that flow from their vulnerability and communicate their feelings; that they maintain their boundaries and ask for what they need; that they practice their values and stay in their integrity; and that they recognize they have unlimited potential from which to grow to be the wonderful individuals they were destined to be.

Now, some of you may think, “Awe…She’s hasn’t gotten over her perfectionist tendencies!”. Let me be the first to admit that my release of perfectionism is a work in progress! Every day I’m mindfully working on it.

I’m not implying that you can wave your magic wand and immediately transform yourself, partner and kids into authentic individuals who follow these practices. It will take time; introspection; changes in thoughts, feelings and actions; courage, risk taking, emotional exposure, and so much more. There will be numerous attempts with a lot of trial and error, but overtime these learning opportunities will enable you to incorporate these practices in all of your lives. Each of the practices I outlined above will be addressed in more depth with future posts. You will have the opportunity to gain more insight in each practice and receive some guidance from me on how to incorporate them in your individual lives and your family group.

Practicing What We Preach

Remember, we can’t give our children what we don’t have. It’s our responsibility to actively and consistently apply all these practices in our own lives, so our kids will receive the greatest gift we could ever give them…our imperfect, authentic selves.

What To Expect from this Series

Through the blog series, I’ll share experiences from my family life and bits of wisdom my kids and I have gained, with the hope that it will help you and those you love to live your lives with courage, compassion and connection.